Things We Lost In the Fire...

..turned out to be not too much, actually.

I took a nap this morning after lunch and was awakened by my Mom yelling at me to get out of the house, because it was on fire. I was a little irritated, responding with "What are you talking about?" She screamed at me to get out. When I saw how panicked she was, it kind of freaked me out a little, too, so I ran like hell.

Once outside, I saw this thick black smoke pouring out the ventilation grates in the side of the garage, under the line of the roof. I guess that's when it really hit me: the house was on fire. I ran around to the door on the side of the garage to see if the cats got out. I realize how stupid that was, but I'm a sentimental creature, and I wanted to make sure my kitties were safe. They were just coming out of the side door, so I kind of scooped them up and shoved them away from the house. Then my Mom came out and threw her keys at me, telling me to back the car away from the house. I backed as far away down the street as I could, right as the fire engines turned the corner.

They put the fire out in no time at all, and determined the cause as one of the fans we kept in the garage to cool it down. Maybe it fell over, or a lizard got caught in it, or maybe one of the cats knocked it over. In any case, it caught fire and burned a good deal of boxes and clothes, our clothes dryer, and some of the stuff for my apartment and for my brother Chad's wedding.

The kicker is this: it was burning towards our hot water/gas heater, which is near the wall. On the other side of the wall was my bed.

There have been many time in my life when I have nearly died. Somehow, miraculously, I have always made it out virtually unscathed. I don't know why. Out of all the lives in the universe, and people that deserve salvation, why am I continually picked for sparing? I've done nothing to deserve this. I can only hope that God has some special plan for me. I know there has to be, or I would not have been spared so many times. I only hope I get it right.

Anyway, I've been meaning to update for awhile now. More will come later.

Lucky-To-Be-Alive-Playlist:
The Magnetic Fields- Holiday
American Analog Set- Promise of Love
The Appleseed Cast- Two Conversations
Archers of Loaf- Icky Mettle

Lonely Highway/Our Weekend Starts On Wednesday

... or Thursday, in my case.

In other, more regular (read: less sappy) news, my band played its' CD release show this week in Tallahassee. It was quite an event; great turnout, cool party, excellent atmosphere and a cool venue. The venue was basically our friend Ralph's garage (not your typical garage, either; a huge one with a high ceiling), but way spiffed up with couches and Christmas lights. It was nice. Our friends in Pari Passu played with us, and if you haven't heard them before, check them out. They're amazing.

Anyway, I was on the road a ton this week, starting on Thursday. Plenty of time to roll out some mix CD's and my favorite road trip CD's. There are so many CD's that make great road trip albums, but out of compassion for you, dear readers (all two of you), I'll keep it short (only for this trip) and organize it by times of day.

Driving-All-Over-God's Green Earth Playlist:
Drive 'til Morning- Drive 'til Morning (morning)
Further Seems Forever- The Moon Is Down (lunch time)
The Promise Ring- Nothing Feels Good (afternoon)
The Promise Ring- Electric Pink EP (afternoon/evening)
The Magnetic Fields- Charm of the Highway Strip (night)
Various Artists- Long Way From Home Mix (any time)

And The Two Shall Become...

This weekend I was priveleged to be able to attend the wedding of two very close friends of mine, Sammy and Jennifer. It was, without a doubt, the most beautiful wedding I've ever been to. Sammy looked so handsome and Jennifer was such a beautiful bride it almost hurt to look at her. The happiness on both their faces is burned so brightly into my memory I don't think I will ever forget it. I always have trouble talking about weddings because there's such a depth of feeling there that words can't express, and I feel inadequate to try. I was bawling like a baby during the wedding, and am getting teary thinking about it right now. I guess I'm turning into a girl (no offense, ladies. I love every last one of you). So many warring emotions, from happiness to sadness. What is the end of a friendship as I've known it is the beginning of a relationship that will last forever, even beyond death. What an awesome responsibility. What an amazing gift.

It's times like this that make me wonder whether or not such a gift is in store for me. Sometimes I wonder if I missed out on the greatest thing that ever might have happened to me. Sometimes I worry that it's right in front of me, and that I'll somehow miss it. And sometimes (to paraphrase my cousin Carl, the repository of all knowledge) I just think that that girl is definitely out there, but that she just got hit by a bus or something. I want it more than anything at times, because I feel that when I finally find that person, I will be the closest to complete that I've ever been. There's a part of me that aches for that completeness. I hope I find it someday.

Big Money Struggle

This is a mix I made for Christine, who left Monday for Canada (the land of talking bears that sell beer, and SARS).

The-Long-Way-From-Home Mix:
1. Pavement- Gold Soundz
2. Creeper Lagoon- Big Money Struggle
3. Drive 'til Morning- Orange and Tweed
4. The Shins- New Slang
5. New Order- Regret
6. Dntel- (This Is) The Dream Of Evan and Chan
7. Eskimo Hunter- Surfing At 32 Degrees Fahrenheit
8. The Notwist- Neon Golden
9. The Gravity Show- Rock 'n Roll Star
10. Future Bible Heroes- Hopeless
11. The New Pornographers- The Laws Have Changed
12. Love- Alone Again Or
13. Wayne Everett- A Million Leaves
14. The Lassie Foundation- El Rey

There you have it: the best mix CD I ever made so far. Feel free to search out and download any of these track. You won't be disappointed. Before you do that, and if you can even find it anymore (thanks for selling out, MP3.com!), do yourself a favor and give Eskimo Hunter's "Surfing At 32 Degrees Fahrenheit" a listen. It's one of my new favorite songs.

In unrelated news, I'm sorry I haven't posted in so long. I'm sure you guys hang on my every word. Just been running around a lot lately, going crazy, staying up 'til all hours, working, teaching, etc. The usual business.

I went to a show last night at the New World Brewery in Tampa. I saw Summer Hymns (great), Bear Country (good), Will Johnson (good) and Chris Lee (left before the end). A good time was had by all. Nice folks, good music, good beer. I actually ended up talking with Zach from Summer Hymns for a little while after the show. What a nice, friendly, guy.

Today was nice, because I had a day off. I headed to Vinyl Fever in Tampa to see what I could pick up with a limited supply of money. It was good day for used CD's, it turned out. I got a copy of Low's "I could Live In Hope" (out-of print), The New Pornographers' "Mass Romantic" (an import), Joy Division's "Les Bains Douches 18 December 1979" (hard to find) and Echo and the Bunnymen's "Songs To Learn and Sing" (never spotted a copy with the right price). All in all, some good finds for low prices (only one of them above $9).

I also have some sort of spider bite on the right side of my torso area. It happened while I was asleep Sunday night (after dropping the compilation and several others off at Christine's house around 5 AM), I guess, because I never felt it. I just saw the huge and painful mark the next morning. I'm kind of hoping it wasn't a brown recluse that bit me. According to all the reading I've been doing and based on the appearance of the bite and other sypmtoms, it probably wasn't a recluse, but still... I'm glad I'm heading to the doctor tomorrow.

Oh, and for all the ladies out there hoping for a chance (there's gotta be one somewhere), I'm sorry. I'm going to marry Rosie Thomas. Or Neko Case. Or maybe Gemma Hayes. Or all of them. Hmm... it worked for the Mormons.

That's all for now, I think. My (hopefully non-spider infested) bed is calling to me.

Be good to each other.

Playlist-Spanning-Several-Days:
Low- I Could Live In Hope
Rosie Thomas- When We Were Small
Neko Case- Blacklisted
Summer Hymns- Clemency
Gemma Hayes- Night On My Side
Lilys- Eccsame the Photon Band
Echo and the Bunnymen- Songs To Learn and Sing
Joy Division- Les Bains Douches 18 December 1979
Grandaddy- The Sophtware Slump
Grandaddy- Sumday
The New Pornographers- Mass Romantic
The New Pornographers- Electric Version

Oh, and what's this I read of a new My Bloody Valentine record? Hmm... I'll believe it when I see it.

So You'll Aim Towards the Sky

I am a remarkably uncharitable person sometimes. I like to think I'm basically a good person who would never have a mean thought in his head towards anybody most of the time (work doesn't count), but sometimes something will come up that highlights what I piece of crap I can be. Today it was a field trip for my biology lab.

I was sitting at my desk during the break in between classes, and this girl in my class comes up and asks me for a ride. I had known about the field trip for awhile, and was kind of looking forward to driving out there by myself, doing my own thing for a bit, then leaving. More to the point, though, this girl was "weird," though basically a nice person. Instead of saying "Sure, no problem," I started sputtering and backpedaling. I think she kind of figured out that I didn't really want to take her because she got this hurt look on her face and said "If it's a problem, don't worry about it." That kind of shamed me into saying yes.

So I'm walking out to my car, being mad at her for inconveniencing me and for making me feel bad, like she did something that was so horrible. As I was thinking about it, I remembered when I didn't have a car and had to bum rides from people, some of whom didn't want to take me anywhere. When I thought about it, I just felt really sick and ashamed of myself. She needed a ride because she didn't have a car. We were going to the same place. What was the big deal?

We humans are such creatures of habit and routine. Everything must be just so for us, and if it's not, watch out! We laugh at fish sometimes when we tap the glass and they race around crazily, but are we really any different? We disrupt their world, and it causes them confusion and stress. Someone disrupts our plans, however minutely, and we get up-in-arms about it.

There are times when I just wish I could get past myself. There is coming a time when everything will be changed and I will become a new person, perfect in nearly every way, and all the petty problems I have will reveal themselves to be just that: petty. Insignificant.

One of the songs that I have been listening to lately is by a young band called Blue Shade Witness. It's called "The Stars Will Shine," and it's off their debut EP. Anyway, the chorus of the song goes "In time, I know that we'll be free/We'll kiss the sun with golden wings/And the stars will shine on me." And that's what it's about for me: the final push to the sum (to borrow another line from Grandaddy); the day when none of this will matter, and I will finally feel complete. To me, there couldn't be a more noble goal.

Listen to The Shins and Broken Social Scene and Manitoba or I will kill you.

The Sudden Shocking Violence Playlist:
Blue Shade Witness- Blue Shade Witness EP
The Shins- Oh, Inverted World
The Lassie Foundation- Pacifico
Broken Social Scene- You Forgot It In People
Manitoba- Up In Flames

No One Could Ever Take Your Face

Last night Christine and I hung out for awhile. We got some food for me first, and then headed to Borders, where I spent an inordinate amount of time contemplating whether or not to spend inordinate amounts of money on CD's that I don't really need. After that, we hit the beach and just walked for a bit while people tried to kill us by setting off fireworks around us (to hear her tell it, at least).

As a creative (or possibly just pretentious) person, it's nice to have someone who understands my faults and feels the same insecurities that I feel. Better than nice, actually, almost sort of... home, I guess. Hanging out with her is like a cool hand on a fevered brow. That's the only way I can describe it. If I had to pick a person that I would want to just hang out with for the rest of my life, regardless of extenuating circumstances, it would be her.

We got in a discussion last night about various physical faults in ourselves (we both have big noses, etc), and for some reason it was really highlighted to me that beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder. Christine is one of the most beautiful people I've ever met, physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. She believes none of this, of course, even refusing to hear most of it. It got me thinking about the movie "American Beauty."

Most people I've talked to couldn't get past the juvenile acts of Lester (brilliantly played by Kevin Spacey) and his obsession with sex, or the frank depictions of it within the movie. But to me, the movie was less about that than it was a meditation on the beauty of life all around us. Often we get so caught up in the events around (soul-sucking jobs, relationships that suck) that we forget to look around and see how beautiful life really is. We have plenty of reason to be happy, if we really think about it. I think that's the point the director Sam Mendes was trying to make with the whole paper-bag ballet scene: beauty and happiness are where you find it.

Today I pulled out Ester Drang's newest album, "Infinite Keys." I bought it a couple months ago and gave it a listen, but was kind of unimpressed. The same thing happened with their first full-length, "Goldenwest;" I bought it, listened to it, didn't like it. Pulled it out a month or so later and loved it. I was kind of hoping it'd happen with this one, and lo and behold it did. Pitchfork posted yet another well-written but unfair review that stated that Ester Drang "seem to be writing music based on cloud formations." I think this an accurate assesment, but not in the negative way they meant it.

Their first album was a type of hard space pop, but this album takes an altogether more contemplative tone, strongly matching the beautiful and somehow desolate artwork on the album (provided by the amazing Chris Strong). The guitars cascade gently through these songs, at times working themselves into a churning mass that resemble the auditory equivalent of storm clouds, while subtle piano lines and whirring electronics flutter by like cold breezes and Bryce Chamber's voice floats on top of the arrangements, sounding both lost and lonely. Good stuff.

Alright, that's enough babbling for one day. Gonna go catch myself a nap.

The-Addendum-to-Ester-Drang Playlist:
The New Pornographers- Electric Version
Grandaddy- Sumday
Ester Drang- Infinite Keys
Spiritualized- Let It Come Down
Godspeed! You Black Emperor- Yanqui U.X.O.

All Circuits Down

Worked a looong shift today: eight hours. Not too long, I guess, but an eternity if you work at a fast food restuarant. And today was especially busy, for some reason. They had me working up front taking orders, but I asked/told my manager that if I was going to be there for eight hourse dealing with people at a steady flow, I would kill myself. Or someone else.

Last night was fun. My best friend and I planned what was our usual intimate gathering: me (Rick), him (John), his little sister (Michelle, the coolest little sister ever), Ryan (played by Ryan) and Toby (played by... you get the point). Anyways, needless to say, I was a little surprised when I showed up and Jeneen (sp?) was there, along with another friend (who for shortness' sake we will simply refer to as "Taco"). So our cool little party then turned into a massive gathering (apparently, they invited lots of other people) that, while fun, wasn't nearly as cool as the other times. I know I was a little disappointed. No matter. The fireworks were cool, and my penchant for danger mixed with great amounts of stupidity was sated for a little while.

*Interesting side note: last night Taco was shooting fireworks at the phone lines, which he actually hit several times. I get home after the festivities only to discover the phone lines are down, for some mysterious reason. The repairman came out this morning and headed down to the trail (which was where we were setting the firworks off), where he found the problem. Hmmm.*

Anyway, decided to mix up my listening a little today. Pulled out some of the CD's I'm reviewing this month for 1340Mag. It's unusual to get CD's I actually like in a review packet. Most of the CD's I get are good, but not good enough to keep. I lucked out this time, though, coming up with two CD's I liked. One is from Ft. Lauderdale's The Remedy Session. Musically, it's kind of emo-y, I guess, but I detect some almost proggy pop tendencies in the way they use dissonances and harmonies in the guitar parts and vocals. Basically, they remind me of Rainer Maria, and how good they used to be. My favorite song on the album is called "All Circuits Down," and if the label hasn't already chosen it, it would make a fantastic single. Listen to it and some of their other material here.

The other CD I got was by a group called The Star Spangles (an absolutely dreadful band name) that hail from the illustrious Capitol Records, home of such luminaries as Radiohead. The Spangles play good 'ol fashioned rock 'n roll, something I haven't heard done really well since The Replacements hung it up and Wilco tried briefly to take over their niche (see "Being There", or "Summerteeth", at times). Really, this CD is good, blending punk and rock and rockabilly and sleazy power pop and dumb teenage anthems into something fresh and fun. I'm a sucker for that whiskey-abraded vocal yelp style that Paul Westerberg perfected, so this was right up my alley.

Whew. That's about it for now. Thank you and goodnight.

Been-Working-Too-Long Playlist:
The Star Spangles- Bazooka!!!
The Remedy Session- The Remedy Session
The Replacements- Tim
The New Pornographers- Electric Version
The Dandy Warhols- Thirteen Tales From Urban Bohemia
The Postal Service- Give Up

All Gates Open

Got my car back today, which is awesome. As much as I love my Mom and the friends that gave me rides, it really does suck to be on someone else's schedule. I never really thought about it before, which is weird since I spent a great deal of my time (until the age of 19, in fact) being driven around by everyone else. That's right, I was one of those kids: the ones who didn't get their learner's permit at 15 and their license at 16 (The HORROR!).

Seriously, though, there's nothing wrong with waiting that late to get your license. Mine was more of a decision that I refused to drive my parent's van. That's the vehicle they tried to teach me in, which was not the ideal vehicle as it has a tendency to a.) not work, and b.) kind of fall apart at random times. Seriously. True story: the first time I ever drove it was on the interstate coming back from Valdosta, GA. I'm already nervous because I'm surrounded by a bunch of huge trucks and there's a mile long bridge that's one lane and has no shoulders coming up. So I'm in the far left lane, and all of the sudden the car bucks and makes a loud groaning noise,and then suddenly sinks down a foot on the driver's side. I, of course, freak out and start screaming at my Mom (I don't remember what, I was in a total state of panic, but it was probably something along the lines of this: "Ohmigod-you-hate-me-why'd-you-make-me-drive-this-piece-of-crap-you're-trying-to-kill-me-aren't-you-I-knew-it-AIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"). I somehow (the grace of God, I think), manage to get the car across two lanes of traffic and pull to the side of the road, where I get out and sit there with my hands on my knees, looking at my shoes and trying to decide whether or not I'm gonna throw up. I then turn around to look at the car and I notice that the wheel has come completely off the car. Seriously. Needless to say, I was a little reticent to drive the van after that (a little reticent in the same way that a rat is little covered in fur, or that water is a little wet).

Strangely enough, I still got my license, and have since gotten into enough accidents to supply a bustling legal practice. No matter. When you fall off the horse, get back on again, never minding the fact that it will probably kill you this time.

Anyway, been listening to some chill music today, what my friend Gary calls "Eurotrash," which I take to mean "Any music that sounds vaguely British, dance-oriented, and 80's." Whatever. I like it. It fits the rain outside.

Rick's Eurotrash Playlist (with thanks to Gary Phillips):
Sleeping Diagonally: A Sleep Mix- Various Artists
A Million Circles: 80's Post-Punk Then and Now- Various Artists
Longwave- The Strangest Things
Interpol- Turn On the Bright Lights
Ova Looven- 58:34
Felix Da Housecat- Kittenz and Thee Glitz

Sleeping Diagonally

The title of this post is taken from a song by one of my absolute favorite bands of all time, The Six Parts Seven. It comes off of their amazing release, "Things Shaped In Passing."



Anyway, here is a long overdue mix CD for a friend. She knows who she is.

Sleep Mix:
Yo La Tengo- Our Way To Fall
Broken Social scene- Guilty Cubicles
Luna- Bewitched
Velour 100- Light In August
Coastal- Paris Radio
The Autumns- Nightswimming In the Deep End
Neil Halstead- Hi-Lo and Inbetween
Sigur Ros- (Untitled Track 3, "Vaka")
LN- L'Avenir
The Six Parts Seven- Sleeping Diagonally
Nick Drake- Place To Be
Aarktica- You Have Cured A Million Ghosts From Roaming Around My Head
Ida- So Long

Sleep tight, chica, wherever you are...

Oh Happy Day

Well, I'm back after taking a break for a couple days. Time for more wall-to-wall inanity (look it up, people. look. the. word. up.). Seriously, though, it's nice to have a place to get down random thoughts about life, love, art, God, religion, and music music music. It makes for a happier me, as I don't necessarily have to brood on these things during my day. I think on them, then get the all down on paper (well, screen), and then I can turn them every which way and angle and examine them in every light. The occasionally snarky email from a friend on these issues can also be invaluable. It's like your very own Dr. Phil.

Kind of an uneventful day today. I took my car into the shop for a checkup and fixing my brake lights (which had the cool feature of remaining on even when my car was off). Went out with my Mom for lunch at a new Chinese buffet in town. It was alright. Came home, played some Majora's Mask, took a nap, went to a voice lesson that I didn't actually have (slaps forehead), and then went to work. Work was cool. Again, my crazy co-workers made my night. Then I got a ride home and here I sit. Exciting, huh?

Been listening to a ton of Spiritualized lately. Somehow the religious ramblings of a drug-fried space rocker have been extremely comforting to me. If someone as messed up as J. Spaceman can find some sort of peace with a God he spent most of his life trying to find through the heavy use of mind altering chemical substances, there's hope for the rest of us. Seriously, though, there's just something magic that happens when he sings "The trouble with the straight and the narrow is it's so thin that I keep sliding off to the side" in a plaintive voice. You definitely get the sense that Spaceman's (otherwise known as Jason Pierce) screwed up, but maybe no more screwed up than the rest of us.

Anyway, there's some new links posted. Be sure to click on them and give them lots of big love (whatever that means).

See you space cowboy.

Inane Playlist:
Broken Social Scene- Feel Good Lost
Spiritualized- Lazer-Guided Melodies
Spiritualized- Royal Albert Hall, October 10 1997 (Live)
Spiritualized- Let It Come Down